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I had a wife,

Her name was Claire,

She had beautiful eyes,

She had long blonde hair.

We had a dog,

Claire called it Mac,

If she threw a stick,

Mac brought it back.

We had a cat,

Claire's little Mabel,

She would feed it by hand,

From the dining room table.

We had tropical fish,

From the freshwaters of Japan,

Claire watched them for hours,

As they swam and they swam.

I loathed Claire, my wife,

We should never have wed,

She was selfish and vain

Thoughts of me? Not a shred.

I was often overlooked by Claire,

She loved her pets, but it seems not me,

She disregarded all my opinions,

I so needed to be free.

Many evenings we went our separate ways,

She met her friends, whilst I sat at home,

She was oblivious to any plans I'd made,

Hatched inside my head all alone.

I hated Mac

Such an ignorant cus

He never came to me

Nor made any fuss

I detested Mabel

I couldn't stand that cat

It didn’t like me either

It just scratched, hissed, and spat

So I boiled the fish

Which I fed to the cat,

Who was chopped up small

And fed to Mac

He was then minced and baked,

In a pie for Claire,


And with the utmost care.

I fashioned a noose,

And strangled Claire,

Hanging her up,

By her long blonde hair.

So now I sit once more alone,

In the four walls of a padded cell,

That’s just a stepping stone,

On my way down to hell.

White-coated men,

Think I'm clinically insane,

There's always a possibility,

That I'd do it again.

They don't understand,

They are so unaware,

How dreadful my life was,

Being married to Claire.

They don’t understand,

They have no way to see,

How uxoricide,

Is my way to be free.

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